NEW STUDIO

“Nobody knows what the fuck they are doing at any level, so just go for it.”

This statement may be crass, but it is also one of the most helpful realizations I have ever had in my life. I have a habit of overthinking, a habit of perfectionism. I want to do all the messy work behind the scenes and then poof, like a magic trick, share the perfect, final version.  And I have done this because that's what I thought I had to do to be enough, to be worthy, to be a real artist, and so people take me seriously and of value. 

Unfortunately, I have been taking myself too seriously. I had to re-remember this valuable awareness: no one knows what they are doing at any level, they are making it up. Everyone, in every field, at every level, is making it up and trusting that what they have chosen is somehow right or correct. We all are doing the best we can, sometimes following a strict “how to be a person or how to succeed in this career” script but ultimately it's all just guesswork. That works out according "to plan" or doesn't; and there is so much value in both experiences. So much value in the meaning we derive of out the experiences, meaning we get to choose. We get the freedom to interprut how an experience will affect us.  

This freedom to choose is unlimited.  We get to test out who we are and what we want to make meaningful in our lives, figure out what works for us and make mistakes and take chances. This realization gave me the courage initially to choose to make art. To pursue a career that is also deeply fulfilling and heart lead. I needed to create a life that I wanted to live. So far it’s working, pushing me to grow, and continue to expand both career wise and spiritually. The crazy thing about this freedom is that someday I may do a full pivot and write science fiction for the rest of my life.

I share this today because I don't know what I am doing, I am making it up, and always trying to take the most loving action that I can in any given moment or situation. That is one belief I have choose to help guide me. I think embracing the unknown freedom of this reality can be very scary, but ultimately so beneficial. To do the work ourselves of trying things out, taking a risk for something we love, what risk would you take next?

I am taking a risk and moving studios. It is messy, and imperfect, and scary but also exciting, expansive, and all my own. It will allow for larger kilns, and larger work, for a showroom, and teaching space. A new container for things I cannot even fathom. So I had to remind myself that's it okay to take the risk, cause no one knows what the fuck they are doing, including me. So I won't let fear of the unknown stop me.